‘Tis the Season

“Life’s toughest storms prove the strength of our anchors”

So much has been happening in such a short time it may be a long post but a much needed one too. I have learned so much in the last six months about myself it has been a blessing and a curse at the same time. While this move has been hard at times I would do it all over again, but don’t worry I am here in Arizona to stay for awhile.

I took at stand and stood up for “Respect” and put myself first in the classroom and the school I was teaching at for a short spell. We are always told to treat the kids and the parents with respect, but somehow the Administration of that school needs to take a lesson in Respect as well. I tried to put a happy face forward, but I had to put me first too. Through standing up for Respect and myself I was let go of my position. I was going to resign at Christmas, but was hoping for just a few more weeks of money. I have to say, I was so stressed and wound up that when I left my anxiety attacks went away, I started sleeping through the night again, and I gained value in putting myself first.

On the health front, I can tell you where almost every Gluten-Free unhealthy food in Scottsdale is sold! I am for sure and emotional eater and when I stressed and busy and forget to eat, I usually make it up at night in the comfort of my own home. Each week clothes have been getting a little tighter and my already slim collection is getting slimmer and slimmer. While I am loving some of the effects of gaining some weight, hello boobs! I hate hearing “fat ass” and seeing myself in photos and in clothes. So, I know it is going to be hard but I know I can do it too…I’ve got to put me forward and make quality food choices.

While I haven’t met a ton of friends I am surely blessed by the few I have! I have terrible hermit skills, in someways those come from some social anxiety I picked up in the last few years. I have learned to put on a fake front for so many years that trying to break it down and build confidence is a killer. Each time before I go into an event or store or out with a friend I tell myself I am strong and and I beautiful and I just need to smile and relax.

I was at an event recently I heard someone say some really hurtful words about my appearance and size and I just took it as their insecurities and not mine. While, yes it isn’t something I expect to hear and didn’t make me want to smile….I’ve learned to let the negativity effect me a little less each time. My negativity about my workouts have turned into challenges. While I am still my worst fan at times, I pretty much have the word “Strength” branded in my visualization behind my eyeballs. I haven’t been sharing my positivity as much because I have had to fight for it like I’m treading water at times.

Day by day, breath by breath, and even sometimes hour by hour and minute by minute I am learning to put me forward, to smile, be brave, be real, and be me!

 

 

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